Sunday, April 8, 2007

Oprah Show

We have Oprah Show in Indonesia around early 2006, I always heard about the remarkable lady but I don’t have cable so it is difficult to know her. When one of the TV station aired her show, I try to watch ever chance I can. Some of my post is a contribution based on her show, it is only natural that I gave credit to her and her crew. I love decorating with nate, talking about money issue, cooking with Rachel and my favorite is dr.Robin. She was the only that make me understand about myself and save me a lot of money to go to a psychology.

It took me awhile to understand that most of the time, when she is talking with the guess she often asks about their childhood and always able to find the root for most of our behaviors comes from the past. We need to find it out and face it, and then we can end the cycle and not pass it to our kids.

She is my finest inspiration, although the whole package it self was very helpful. I want Oprah to know it inspire me too.

Spending quality time

My husband is a game freak, well he is very attract with his computer, in the early days when we are still friends, he was the one that influence me to play computer games, although the only thing I like is playing sims.

I don’t want my kids to spend all their spare time on the computer, although he always support these desire. I grew with books, my mom used to take me to the library and just spend the whole day there, so yeah. I love books.

Reading to your kids at the early age not only its is a great way to communicate with them, but it also taught them to get used to words, making sentence and growing the passion for reading. I know most of my students a hooked on computer games, play station or other stuff like that. Reading actually will benefit them in the future, especially when they have to read a lot for school.

So…..begin young is important, plus it is fun.

It’s OK to be not perfect

I’m trying so hard to be a good girl, so my parents will spend time with me, and like listening my mind, of course that never happens. So, I have this feeling of I’m not good enough to love. Those thought I carried until I’m married, try to be the perfect mom and wife – in reality of course there is no such thing as perfect – because that is human.

I’m trying to encourage my kids to except their failure and encourage trying harder and what is more important. If they do something wrong, I try to make the punishment educative and not pressing their self confident. I also try not to try too hard on being perfect. So our family has a wonderful time making mistakes………..

Looking in the mirror

Children is our reflection, they are a little us. An abusive father tends to produce abusive children when they are growing up. An anorexia girl is possibly having an anorexia mom, well…at least mother who is not satisfied with her appearance. So, when you yourself have an unexplainable attitude that you are aware that it is bad. Then you need to look deep into your past and find that missing chapter that maybe you have it from your parents, despite that your deep love for them. Because finding out what is your flues is and important info, because you can stop the cycle and prevent the same thing to your kids.

Like my mom and me about the weight issue. I try not to complain about it in front of them, well…….if I look myself in the mirror in my room, sometimes those feeling of dissatisfaction come-though it’s useless we still do it. I’m trying to recover from that…well I’m not perfect

What we do, our kids do it too.

It is important to remember that, what we think is an adult thought or conversation is really what the kids pick up. They are sponge and the filter to distinguish between oh this is for adult and oh this is for me. Doesn’t imply. That is probable why kids these days grow up fast and tend to have mature behavior regardless to their age. This we must pay attention to. Get into the children world and eyes, and its ok to act foolish and childish in front of your kids.

My mom always complaining about her weight and this happen also to me and my sister. Though I love my mom, but I try to be more grateful with how god created me-and don’t complain much. It also something that I teach my kids, they should appreciate everything they have and that having themselves is enough.

Making Faces

Children development begins in such an early age, that what we reflect in everyday live is what they consume and stay in their memory. They are just like sponge, absorb everything and except anything. Do you ever realize that a simple face gesture can make a child feel so happy and so sad. We as adult tend to caught up with our daily life and most of the time feels tired and weary. We tend to bring those looks to our house. Let say you come into the room, and there were your kids. They are playing or just doing they stuff. Then we come along with that tired and don’t speak to me look. It bound to make them sad or just its’s-not-the-time-to-talk thought. So think about what your faces will affect our kids in the future, because it says a lot.

My mother in her time doing 3 jobs and coming home all tired and more stuff to do at home-after she had another child it got worst because most of the time that me and my bother spent are with the baby sitter. SO we didn’t talk most of the time and all my memories about my childhood are all the scolding about how bad my grades are and how often I got abusive attitude verbal and physical.

It thought me to spend time with my kids and really talk with them, and not talk at them. After a long day teaching, and although it is such a hard work and sometimes I do push it. I pretend to be happy and put on a happy face in front of them. I can look horrible in my own room. Try not to take it on the kids is really the key. It only takes about 15 minute to greet everyone and walk to my room, and rest, after a long bath thing will be better. Honestly, life is such as waste to be complaining about. By doing this you also have a more positive attitude to difficulties.

Introduction of me

As the oldest child from 4 sibling, from a divorce parents, I find it difficult to understand myself, and as I got older I began to join seminar, and watch a lot of Oprah….it’s one of my healing process to finding myself. Actually my parents got their divorce 3 years ago, when I was 23 years old, but of course there’s no smoke without any fire. The problems already appear since I was young.

And what my parents don’t understand or what they fail to see is that I wasn’t busy in my little kid world, I do understand that there was something wrong and don’t like what I hear. This site is important to me as a crying place most of the time, but as 26 years old woman, who grew out of divorce family and have children of my own and how I deal with my own marriage. I wanted to share my experience as a child and how I implement those past experiences to my own kids. I also am hoping to hear lots of experience with other mom about those little angels that made our days.

My name is Yulie dhanianty, an English teacher in Jakarta, Indonesia, I have 2 kids and a loving husband. For years I deal with pain from my past from a broken-home background and do have to struggle with my self esteem and low confidence, and trust me this site along really improving it.

I find out that in psychology kind of way – how we are taught will affect our behavior-let say since I’m married there is a big chance I mess it up like my parents and pass the cycle to my own kids. I will write more article combine with expert opinion about it, hopefully I have a fun time doing this site and got valuable comment and input.